Nina – The full story…
Where to begin? Well, how about the beginning? The dates don’t make sense. Really if the due date that the fancy measuring devices came up with are to be believed, Nina was either conceived while Grandma Sue was in town (not bloody likely!) or while Melissa was still on birth control.
And then there was the half-time show. June 27th, in the middle of the night, Melissa sounded panicked in another room of her sister’s house and my gut dropped out from under me. I don’t need to get into detail here, but there was a convincing argument that we had lost our little baby girl, and I think the idea of this tore into Melissa and I both. I think I aged about 10 years in one night, and Melissa probably went through something similar, at least on the inside. The doctor we saw in the ER didn’t really even give our little girl a 50% chance — even when the ultrasound showed a fetus literally waving hello. I was so scared that she was waving good-bye, I didn’t even feel like I could tell anybody. I read up on what had happened and was heartened to hear that some people had gotten through this just fine. We prayed. Family and friends prayed.
But when we drove home shortly thereafter, a nurse gave us some bad news. The pregnancy hormone in Melissa system, which should have gone up had instead dropped to levels that caused the nurse to simply give up and say, “I’m sorry.” Again Melissa and I hung our heads and hearts low — we’re not the kind to be reactive to opinions, but medical professionals were telling us we weren’t going to make it, and it was hard not to believe them. We prayed. Family and friends prayed.
(There’s a lot more to the story, but to save the blog page from being too long, I’ve “split” the page… just click here for more –> )
Further blood tests, conversations with our physician (versus the nurses) and ultrasounds began to bolster our confidence again, and on August 19th we received confirmation that our baby was going to be a girl. At this point I remember a conversation with Melissa outside the lab about our little girl-to-be, and it was refreshingly happy.
Over the months that followed, I think Melissa and I just started holding our collective breath. Everything seemed to be fine, and so we kept ourselves busy. I know that for me, projects for work that needed to be done before the baby arrived, the busy-ness of the approaching holidays and trying to share in Ian’s upbringing became overwhelming. I think Melissa and I just had to deal with everything in our own ways… sometimes I found myself not wanting to talk about the approaching baby. Not out of lack of interest, but out of fear that maybe everything would continue to be alright if we didn’t discuss her. As the clock ticked by and we started nearing her due date, work started ramping up. I also started trying to learn some programming languages I didn’t understand, and the frustration in the air around me was visible. Understand, it wasn’t any one thing that had me feeling on edge, but the culmination of all things. I was a pretty lousy roommate, friend, husband — I still somehow managed to keep it together for Ian, but I think I was exhausted when it came to anything else, and for that I apologize to all affected, particularly my wife.
However there was one golden promise that kept me going through all of this, and that was Christmas day. You see, in the past Ian, Melissa and I have traveled down to Florida to have Christmas morning with Ian’s cousins, Melissa’s family, and my mom. Understand, I find this completely enjoyable. However there’s also something to be said for having a quiet little Christmas at home, and that is what December 25th, 2009 promised. It would be a night of going to bed early, getting some much needed sleep to sort of re-boot and make preparation for the baby. Finally, a chance to re-charge our batteries…
Melissa’s water broke at 3:00 am Christmas morning. We decided fairly quickly that our Christmas baby would probably have the name Nina Noel Chapman, but we wanted to see her to be sure. We got to the emergency room at around 5:30am or 6am, after calling in emergency help to watch Ian from Grampa Dave and Grandma Marcia — who were planning on coming over Christmas afternoon anyway. While they slapped everything in their car and started heading west, Ian, Melissa and I stepped into the lobby of the Emergency Room at St. Mary’s. The person behind the counter said “what brings you here?” That’s how composed and awesome Melissa often can be. After receiving a bonus Christmas gift from the person behind the desk, Ian was more than a little antsy about being in a hospital and having to be told where to stand. We got our doula to come and join us on Christmas morning (I know, I know) and we ended up with the doctor on call, as our normal physician was out of town, and her back-up was out somewhere for the holiday as well. Grampa Dave and Grandma Marcia showed up at the perfect time, and walked the halls with us and Ian for a little while before taking him home where “familiar” and “happy” were much more prominent. I say perfect timing because right after Ian and gang left the hospital Melissa’s labor kicked into full gear and we were about ready to start having Nina.
I’m not going to say the nurses at St. Mary’s were horrible, one or two of them just simply didn’t mix well with the way Melissa and I think — so our doula came in very handy. She came up with many things that I couldn’t even know to suggest to Melissa, to ease her pain. Sue (the doula) also made the nurses aware of several things that they pretty much missed. Melissa had Nina without any drugs. She wasn’t even all that “ready to go” when she was wheeled into the delivery room, but when the nurse mentioned the possibility of inducing labor, in a timeframe much earlier than what we had previously heard, that was pretty much all Nina and Melissa had to hear. Not too long after that Nina was born.
Nina showed up at 10:54am, weighing 6 lbs 14 oz and measuring in at 20.5″… although later measurements came to something more like 20″ even.
Melissa was obviously the most exhausted, but I too had pretty much reached my limit. Everything was really great for a few days, we attempted to catch up on sleep and kept Ian from feeling abandoned (parent-wise) by having me come home a night or two. We even managed to sneak in the birth/hospital visit under the first insurance rather than starting the next insurance. (Melissa’s employer switched to a new insurance a few day before the end of the year, meaning we had to cover two sets of deductibles for 2009… right when Nina was born). We left St. Mary’s on the 28th and headed home, happy as we could be. Even had Christmas the next day.
But soon it was time to go to the doctor for a quick double-check on some of the “little things” we heard about on the day we were discharged from the hospital. Namely a heart murmur… “but almost every baby has those and outgrows them, usually”… and jaundice… “but many babies have that and are rid of it shortly.” Our doctor took a look at Nina and updated us. Heart murmur: “Let’s just go to the cardiologist to double-check, but almost every baby has those and outgrows them.” Jaundice: “She looks like a 15; at 20 we go back to the hospital… I’m sure she’s fine, but let’s get it checked.”
Two days later we went to see Dr. Lee, a cardiologist. Gist of his summary after tests: “Here are the many things that are wrong with Nina’s heart, one of which will require open heart surgery, probably within 1 year. Her heart condition may also be an indication that she has Down’s Syndrome, but your family physician will determine if that is something that should be tested for.”
Gist of Dr. Bultje’s, our physician, summary on jaundice after tests: “Oh yeah, those numbers are a lot higher than I was thinking… she’s at 18. You’ll need a ‘bili blanket.'” (A blanket that bathes Nina in light to help her get rid of the jaundice.)
Of note, our physician sprang into action on getting the tests (for jaundice and chromosomes) done and the blanket to us, pulling favors and making phone calls herself. If there’s any note of anger or frustration in the above couple of sentences, attribute that to me feeling like I got set-up for disappointment by everybody we talked to. There was a whole lot of “but probably not in her case” followed by “UH OH.”
Nina’s jaundice numbers have come down, after peaking at 19.6… then a day later 17… a day later 14.6… 14.1 on Saturday the 2nd. We were told to skip Sunday… on Monday morning (4th) she was at 11.2. We were told to stop using the blanket and do one more test on Tuesday… which resulted in a good enough number (11) to send the blanket back to the rental company. Total hours of Nina having to be on the Bili blanket was 126.
Then there was one more symptom of many syndromes that Melissa noticed. Nina has a singular palm crease across both hands. If you look up the heart issue that she has and add singular palm crease, you’ll be able to see very quickly why this was devastating news.
If there are heroes in this story, so far, I’m going to have to point to Melissa first and foremost. She has been brave beyond words. And Grampa Dave and Grandma Marcia stayed with us for days and days, doing literally everything for us while Melissa rested or fed Nina, I wrestled with my emotions, and we both took Nina for daily blood draws or doctor visits. I want to underline that again… they did everything. Cat fed, litterbox emptied, driveway shoveled over and over, Ian’s diapers changed, meal after meal after meal, late night shifts holding Nina while she endured the bili blanket, and I can go on, but this should give you an idea. At one point I said, mostly to myself, “Oh right, I forgot to…” and Marcia said, “I already did that.” And she had. She had literally read my mind and taken care of the task, without saying a word. “Stepped up to the plate” doesn’t even begin to describe their actions. We are so grateful for all their support and can’t possibly thank them enough.
Finally, all other friends and family that rushed to talk to us, email us and pray for our whole family, have been awesome. We have a great support group! Ian also handled mostly everything with the grace of a much older child. I was very human during this time. Since the possible news of Down’s showed up on the radar, I’ve been scared of what the changes would mean for everybody in the family. It took time for my attitude to change from “what happened?” to where I’m at now, “your family is your family, no matter what condition they are in — or arrive in.”
On to the morning of January 6th… I was sleeping off staying up with Nina when my cell phone rang. It was Dr. Bultje, our family physician. She sounded happy… and my heart began to beat like crazy. “Hi,” she said. “We have normal chromosomes!!!” I said “What? Awesome! Oh awesome, oh God bless you! Wait, seriously I’m going to pinch myself and tell me one more time.” “Nina has perfectly normal healthy chromosomes!” “Awesome! Wait, wait a second, one more time, I’m going to put you on speakerphone…” I ran downstairs in my pajamas — Grandma Sue, Melissa and Ian were all listening intently as I finished that sentence. “Nina’s chromosomes are normal!” There were cheers, tears, and a whole lot of thanking God… then the emails and texts began as we thanked people for their thoughts and prayers. And I’d like to do that again here and now. Thank you God for seeing Nina to this point — and please help her through the obstacles she has left to tackle. And thank YOU for keeping us in mind and saying prayers on our behalf. We could have never made it this far without our brilliant support group, of which you are no doubt a part. I’m not sure how many miracles it takes to have a healthy baby, but please keep us in mind when the next hurdle arrives. We’ve made it this far together. Thanks so, so much!
Please continue to pray for our family… for Melissa’s continued bravery, my ability to learn and grow, and most of all please pray for Nina’s good health. While her heart seems fairly stable for now, we’ll be asking for yet another miracle once that becomes a big enough problem for the operation.
